-adjective
1. a. of or pertaining to a function.
b. of, relating to, or indicating a mathematical function or functions.
2. designed for or adapted to a particular function or use: functional architecture.
3. capable of performing; operative: a functional set of brakes.
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I'm a junkie. I'm also a business manager for a major corporation. I started using junk in various forms when I was a freshman in high school. I was raised in a normal middle-class family with two parents who cared about grades and college degrees. I knew if I was going to use drugs, I had to make sure to keep up with school so as not to raise any suspicion. The years of practice during high school and college didn't go without trouble. I was caught a few times, I almost failed a few classes, but I came through with a BA from one of the top US colleges.
Functional things don't go without their need for maintenance. Sometimes I would get out of hand with my addiction, but then an outside source would seem to notice and intervene before I had the chance to destroy my life entirely. I don't want this to be misinterpreted as me saying being a junkie is a life worth living or that it's even possible to really live your life with an addiction so strong, I'm saying this because despite my ability to function as an active user for so long, it has gotten more and more difficult to keep my life together as time goes on.
This brings me to the present...
28 comments:
I'm in the same boat. I'm sure quite a few others are as well. I am in a public position as well, just in a different sector. I understand. You're not the only one, it's just, we could never trust each other enough to tell one another. I suppose that's just how it goes. Good luck.
Well, this boat is pretty well populated because I'm in it too. I'm from a beautiful little heroin capitol called long island new york. I've also been able to function as a productive member of society for 13 years. I own 5 deli's across the island and do pretty well if I may say so myself. However, it has caused a few minor issues... Nonetheless, minor ones. I love it, just wish sex was more enjoyable during my dances with wonder woman (heroin).
You stupid junkie fuck faces wise up. Your leeches on this with your contributions to an illegal and immoral market. I hope god smites some sense into you assholes.... Or you overdose and die.
I have been a functional addict and no matter how successful I appear on the outside I am just another addict. I have been clean for a year this time around, but the fear of a relapse lingers. It does feel good to actually be sober instead of just appearing sober.
I've never shot up, only snorted heroin, but while I'm using I'm a happy and productive person. I've worked in the medical field for six years without a single complaint. I've never stolen any drugs, nor have I robbed anyone to pay for my habit the times I've tried to quit I was miserable and barely able to make myself leave the house. I ask you all, as long as I remain functional why should I even try to quit?
functional heroin addicts do exist! but not everyone can be that way.. i am a functional opiate addict as well. its nice to know were not all doomed.
Im a functional addict too. I use opium tea.
It easier to be functional with OT as its a)legal b) cheap (my habit costs me around £75 a month, less than a 20 a day cig habit) and c) plentiful.
Ive used it for over 10 years now. I own my own place, go to work, pay my bills, look after my elderly parents, and actually have a happy marriage of 22 years (to another OT user - hey it helps when they understand..)
No one is responsible for my drug use but me - I was curious and wanted to try everything. I had a happy childhood, resplendent with happily married parents, alive and together to this day.
I tried every drug I could get my hands on, and enjoyed most of them. I believe each is a teacher, and some have some hard lessons to offer. I don't regret my involvement with drugs..I think it was written in my egg.
Now though, it is high time that my lovely husband and I escaped the monkeys clutches.
We cannot avail ourselves of the usual avenues for ahem,professional reasons,lol.
I will obtain some clonidine and some sleeping meds and we will go for it. We are both mentally strong and know the drill.
Gonna beat this time.
To that horrible little thing with their nasty comments, the only stain on society is people like you that like to band everyone into a group. I'm a functioning addict with Fentanyl and oxynorm, i don't steal to get the drugs, i pay my taxe's unlike scum like you who's prob on the dole with a chip on their shoulder rather than taking responsibilitys for their own lives
Where is the original blog writer. Isherwood ok?
I am a functional addict too.. I will admit that in the past i felt somewhat clever hiding this burden from my peers/family. I was proud to contradict the stereotypes placed on heroin addicts and felt unique and different from the other "junkies" i have met.The double life I lived provided an element of excitement for me. It was almost an addiction in itself. I do not intend to be boastful and I certainly do not consider myself better than any other addict. I just want to confess how I secretly felt. Then one day I Felt so guilty for being deceitful to the people who love and trust me. I realized how much I was kidding myself. I think being a functional addict is the most destructive form of addiction because A. the illusion of control you possess B. The ease of which you can rationalize your addiction to yourself... A lot of the hardcore junkies I know have become sober and happy sober and happy individuals. I am not so fortunate... Do any of you agree with what I am saying or have you shared any of these thoughts/feelings.. Sorry for all the repost
My old gf in college had been a drug user since 12 years old. She shot up heroin from 14--16 (early 1970's) and absolutely loved it. Had a "cell" of 4 users together and a steady supply so shot up several times a day. She was in pre-med when I met her and only used occasionally. Didn't think it was at all unusual for a junkie to become a doctor. I broke up (big mistake, we were real soul-mates) since she was still using when I was with her. Well, found out recently she's an MD in a tough competitive field and very successful. So the functioning addicts are out there and doing fine, just not visible.
Good luck you guys. I know it's hard but if you want to put it down you can. Just remember not to be too hard on yourself
i started h 13 years ago.. I have lost control of if when my gf left me or i had troubles like losing home or such (not because of h.. ) i got scared and registered for methadone. BIG mistake, it's really bad i am hooked on m, i quit h because i have lost interest for h and the stuff is really bad and i have no time for it.. but i must take m every day.. are you a cop ?
I agree with the person that said being a secret functioning addict may be worse then everyone knowing. I have been addicted to prescription meds for almost 10 yrs now and while I am what would be described as a functioning addict, I realize that there are so many things addiction has taken from me and my children. And if others who are functioning addicts would take an honest look at themselves and their lives, they would realize just how much they have missed out on, let alone how much less money they have in the bank, because of our addiction. There have Been so many times I didn't take trips because I couldn't get enough meds to cover my habit for the duration. Jobs I didn't apply for because they used mouth swabs for drug test and so much money I could have put away for my children's future. It's much harder to get clean to because how would you explain going to rehabilitate? If People don't know already you sure don't want to tell them and be judged by your addiction for the rest of your life. Its way too hard to get away without everyone knowing so you just don't do it and you can't do it at home and be able to go to work and take care of kids so you don't do that either. There have been so many people that are known addicts that I considered myself better then because they threw down their kids, lied, stole from everyone, were homeless, all things I haven't done but they have been able to go to rehabilitate and get clean which means they are doing better then me now! We are all in the wrong functioning or not. What I would love to know is, what the hell do ar do now?
I tell myself that 23 is too young to be an addict. I tell myself that I am functional. Addicts aren’t functional, they are entirely consumed by addiction, their whole being becomes this thing, this substance that they crave. I tell myself that because I can put on my mask in the morning that no one will see, no one will notice, but it eats at me. It consumes my consciousness as I trudge through life, pretending it isn’t there, ignoring the shadow that constantly follows, until night comes, boredom comes, the booming silence; I am left with only myself. It is then that it is strongest, my thoughts and I are alone and my head starts running its nightly marathon. I know how to turn it off, to stop the race, how to flip the switch. It stares me in the face, begging me, daring me to flip it…and how can I resist? From the first swig, first hit, first chug, I immediately starts to fade, until the point when I am silenced completely. I wish that I could say that it stops there. The silence, the feeling of inhibition, that feeling itself is what I crave. I compartmentalize my life, which Is what allows the allusion of self-control, but it is just that, an allusion…to both the world and worst off myself. Downers counter-acted by uppers, then more downers for a brief few moments of restless sleep, just to take more to stay awake. I tell myself that I am functional, that 23 is too young to be an addict. My lie, myself allusion, it can only last so long.
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Yah my brother is a functional heroin addict hes been doing it for three or four years now but he started with oxys. He smokes it and says he only smokes a little bit so he doesnt feel sick. He just turned 29 we both live at home and our mom got diagnosed with cancer this year. Im the only one that knows because i found his foils in the trash (long story) told me he was gonna quit on his own never was able to told him he either checks himself in or i have to tell my parents then my mom got diagnosed and i couldnt put any more on her so i kept my mouth shut. He got into a relationship and she doesnt know. He does well at his job hes a software programmer graduated fresno state with a computer engineer degree. Pretty much i really cant take anymore. He smokes it every morning in the bathroom every night in his room. Hate living with it almost tempted to try it. Its just all bad. Tired of carrying this secret on my shoulders we dont even get along i hate the guy. What should i do what can i do??? Is he going to be doing this for a long time or will it eventually catch up to him???
adding to the previous comment...my parents kinda know ive hinted and ive actually told my dad last christams eve when my brother got angry and this big ordeal happend but they are so indenial its sick they dont believe it because he hides it so well (kinda) hes accomplished so much they dont think it makes sense. Some relatives know but they cant really do anything either. So i just feel stuck. Tired of living in it. They all live in a fantasy cant move out because i need to be here for my mom who his ill.
This blog post is old, but I've been through addiction too, and so have my colleagues. I've now been sober 12 years and my life couldn't be better. Check out 12 Keys Rehab in Florida, we'll even fly you to and from treatment.
I am 22 and very functional I am as well a store coordinator .. I went to collage finished it. Graduated from highschool at 16 . But I do hide it I have to my mother is very accomplished she is a DON has a BSN from Baylor so there no room for that ive just learn to live with it but it can be very difficult at times trust me..
I would love to ask for help .I would but the embrassment and humliation is enough to drive me over the edge .
I'm a opiate addict above all else. I still haven't gone down the needle road but the addiction is real and it absolutely controls my daily life. I'm a loner by nature but lately I feel like the only person in the world. I am a straight A graduate student getting my masters degree in wildlife biology. I love my field and almost everything about my life. But I have a dark secret like most of you commenting. The opiate demons continue to haunt me. The people I am closest to my sister, brother, mother, boyfriend have no idea I am in deep. My recent medical issues, high blood pressure and digestion problems, are all because of this secret double life. The medical issues has been my first big wake up call that allowed me to admit to myself that I need help. How do I get help though? With school and work and the life that I lead. My boyfriend is no stranger to drugs but even he doesn't understand addiction. He knows that I've done drugs in the past but is no way even suspicious about my habitual use. For god sake, I even lead a more productive life than he does. How could I possibly be snorting heroin on the side? Sometimes I don't even know how I do it and spin a web of denial. The only clue that only a fellow addict would recognize is that I take a greater number of sick days than the normal person. I of course use every excuse in the book for my ill will. I am a master of deception and lies and stories. I can't even imagine what would happen if I came out of the closet. Everyone would instantly have a different impression of me. Anything I've ever said and will say to anyone would automatically be questioned. The stigma of being a junkie is so intense how could anyone admit such a secret. Everything I've accomplished would be under minded by this disease. Yes it is a disease. Addiction runs on both sides of my family. Most relatives on my paternal side are alcoholics including my father. Three of my maternal uncles have struggled with drugs (meth & cocaine) openly. As Anthony Kiedis puts it... "I've got a bad disease, up from my brain is where I bleed."
If anyone else can relate or has advise, please share.
Anonymous
First of all, fuck you and your ignorant ramblings written like an elementary school drop out.
Addiction is mainly a self destructive vice that in no way warrants such hostility. Second, the people profiting off of addicts like drug cartels and big pharmaceutical companies are the real problem. Not the people who hopelessly "contribute"
Thirdly, if breaking an addiction was as easy as "wising up" and "becoming more sensible" people wouldn't end up accidentally overdosing and dying.
Go to hell you stupid despicable fuck!
I have been a functional meth addict for almost 4 years now. I am 36 years old & nobody but a friend of mine knew because we both were addicts, i figured since i overcame addiction in the past that it was going to be fine. When she quit i was going to quit too, but it was difficult to when i had 4 kids a partner a career and i was the head of the household, especially being alone. I kept my addiction a secret i was too ashamed and i didnt want to lose my family again. So i continued to use. my friend thought i stayed sober along with her, its been nearly 4 years now and im still a user. I have a great family, a wonderful career and a perfect partner who has brought hope and love into my life. I hate using i only use now just to avoid the "come down". Its stupid of me to say this but i literally do not have the time to quit! I have too much going on in my life and if i quit using my family will suffer. I really do not know how i have kept this a secret for so long. You would think that i would look like the average meth user, but i dont. Im scared to quit but im also scared to continue using. My family needs me but the only way i can be there for them is being a drug addict :'(
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