Anyways, I'm trying to quit for the millionth time but the difference this time is that I'm going to a clinic for methadone maintenance. Eventually I want to get on Suboxone but man, doctors are so booked up for that shit that the waiting list is like four billion years long. So anyways, methadone is free and easier to get. It sort of sucks though because you have to go to the clinic every morning for your dose except Sunday, for which you get a take-home dose. Now I have to get up and leave the house by 7:30 every day in order to get to the clinic and have enough time to get to work by 9am. I guess if you pass enough drug tests you can earn a take-home dose now and again. Still, man, I wish I didn't have to go every day. I guess the justification is that I would do it if it were to meet my drug dealer so I guess I can make the effort to meet my government controlled dealer.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Treatment
Some people; scratch that, everyone thinks I should stop while I'm ahead. By "ahead" I mean that I have a job and I'm not covered in my own fecal matter and sleeping at bus stops. I'm not poking fun, it's devastating... but I'm not sure why people think I have this potential considering I've been doing this shit for 10 years and haven't gotten to that point yet. It isn't that I'm not addicted, there is nothing further from the truth, it's just that I really don't want to do drugs anymore so I'm constantly trying and failing to quit, but I think the effort keeps me from allowing my life to get insanely out of control. Also, absolutely no one in my life knows that I'm a heroin addict so if I were to do something as outlandish as to lose my job and home, I would have some explaining to do and a drug addiction would NOT go over very well with anyone.
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As I often deal with people on Methadone and you are the first that I have heard to have a sensible approach and comments about your addiction and the clinic.
Mothers Against Medical Abuse. Org
I've never been addicted to hard drugs.
But i think the only way to stop is to give in. Surrender.
I was addicted to sleep. If i had nothing to do i would go to sleep. At first it's hard, because you just want to run away from thoughts. You become zombie like. You are like DURRR all the time.
Great blog!! thank you for this
Why did you stop blogging? This one of the few matters that I personally find very very interesting, there is a lot of potential to this blog, it could help some and educate others about this matter.
I find myself highly invested in the continuation of this story, even though its just something I stumbled upon while wandering the net, it pulled me in and made drop what I was doing and start reading, I don't do that very often, and for this I must congragulate ou for you have hooked me with your story and now I must demand more.
Amazing blog. Wish you would update! I got clean and sober with the help of a sober living called New Life House. Check out their site if you are looking for help.www.newlifehouse.com
I think you have surrendered! Even if there is more to give up...it sounds like you have given enough to experience some freedom from drugs and alcohol...the surrender has to be continual and absolute..in my experience...to acquire long-term sobriety. Thanks for th epos.
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Just curious how this is going for you now? It's been 5 years and you claimed you had your addiction under control. Are you covered in your fecal matter yet?
Believe me i was a heroin addict but i am clean and sober for almost 10 years now. I was so thankful for my family who help me find the best substance abuse treatment centers. The difference between us is, i was able to find the right one but you wasn't. But hopefully, you are clean and sober now :) Wish you a healthy lifestyle.
I am a functional drug addict. First time I ever said it. Ive gone 22 yrs getting by w family n others just thinking that I'm the smart guy w bad luck. Never living up to my potential. Had a relationship n now have a beautifull daughter. Now facing a court fight to be able to keep seeing her. I know I can lie to everyone n probally win. Saying my ex is crazy. But the truth is drugs have ruined my life n wasted 20 yrs. I love my little girl n at the end I'm going to tell everyone that I'm an addict n that while I appear to be ok, I'm not. Dont waste your life even if you think your smarter than all n appear to be ok. I'm going to start over n tell everyone my lies regardless of what happens.
Wow googled "functional addict" because I wondered if there were other people out there like me but reading your blog though posted years ago was like a page out of my diary. Been using for 13 years. Heavily for 6. I'm only 32 but somehow I still have not just a job but a career, my family and friends are a huge part of my life. The only thing I can't maintain through all the hiding is a real relationship. It scares the hell out of me that somehow I am getting away with the chronic problem and no one seems to know but I know. I'm not in denial I have a serious drug problem. And as the years go by I have seen so many friends and "friends" go the other way. Would love to know where y,ou are now.........still "functional" or did your boat sink? Will mine?
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I'm living with a person that has morphed into an addict. Is there a website that I can ask addicts that are or have been there, questions? They carry this bag of tricks that has everything in it, false promises, IOU's and even good intentions. The longer they are an addict the bigger it gets, full of even smarter tricks. The sad thing is they no longer own the bag, it owns them. I know they all have a different story but that's where I may get some insight and how to deal with things. the one thing they all have in common is the roller coaster ride that somehow I've been thrown onto. It takes you to the depths of their own personal hell, then back to bright happy places. you never know when or how long you'll be at any one place. sometimes they let you off in a dark place to fend for yourself after they've taken from you whatever they can. I want off and I'd like to take him with me before he takes the last bit of my heart and I not only can't but don't want to help. NOBODY would get in line for this ride.
I left the last message above looking for a website and I've decided I'm going to start my own blog, I have to think of a good name for it, I will leave a message on this site for anybody that may be interested. I will need addicts help once its started.
Hey, 2 messages above ( oct 5 ), yes you can & are keeping a relationship, your drug...
It wouldn't be surprising if his boat did sink, or maybe he's still on it in the Bermuda Triangle
This is a great blog, I think you should not give up man!!I was like you before and I have been clean now for more than 2 years now..Do it for yourself and your love ones.
I'm the one with the last couple blogs about the addict with the bag of tricks, have any answers for me. tonight was the trick from hell. this rollercoaster ride couldn't get any worse
I live with this addict, I need some answers, I am clean. how do I deal with this crap? please I'm about to lose my sanity. if you read this and you were an addict, help me, I can't deal with living with this ride too much longer.
Rigette, tell me, what am I doing wrong what am i doing right?maybe you can help. I don't know how to deal with living with an addict and its not me. I love the man I live with, not the addict he has become. the demon of drugs is taking over his soul
Well Im sitting here as i read this considering taking a hoot. But just last night i went crazy so that might be my turning point. Im what you can call a "functioning addict". When smoking Meth after day 2 its hard to be functioning haha i know i look like a syco crazy eyed bimbo on day 3-7 with no sleep. Anyways good for you for you wanting to be sober. Was 18 months clean but slowly fAlling back into old habits .good luck
Well Im sitting here as i read this considering taking a hoot. But just last night i went crazy so that might be my turning point. Im what you can call a "functioning addict". When smoking Meth after day 2 its hard to be functioning haha i know i look like a syco crazy eyed bimbo on day 3-7 with no sleep. Anyways good for you for you wanting to be sober. Was 18 months clean but slowly fAlling back into old habits .good luck
what type of drugs is you Friend on
There are very rare cases wherein addicted to drugs or alcohol are still functional to work or other atsks tehy used to do when they are free from the influence f drugs. however even you are function in the influence of drugs it is more advisable to stops and ask help attend counselling from a rehabilitation centers like SOBA Mesa, who helps, individuals whoa re suffering from addiction cases.
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I know her boyfriend is a frequent marijuana smoker, but she told me she would never do this! She also comes home drunk very often, denies drinking and ignores punishments. She does well in school but recently her grades have started to drop. How long would bloodshot eyes last? Was this because she was high or was recently high?
Please help!
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